I love the quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent". Actually grasping this concept alone will be your most valuable asset on your journey to confidence, and remember - jump starting your self confidence is a journey not a destination. Women in modern society face greater challenges especially in the corporate work environment. Therefore confidence is key when it comes to success and reaching your goals. Also, you will find that if you build confidence in one area of your life suddenly you begin to become more confident in other areas.
When developing confidence, the one thing that is important to remember is that you weren't born confident. We have all had life experiences when we felt less than enough, pushed down, and/or have gone through some amazingly difficult circumstances that have ultimately shaped and influenced our confidence levels.
So what does this mean? Confidence is a learned trait; which means that you are going to have to make a deliberate effort to develop it, but it will be well worth it.
Here are some great tips on how to increase your confidence:
1. Set goals you know you can reach. Remember Rome wasn't built in a day.
2. Allow yourself to fail without it depleting your value and self worth. First of all, take the approach that we learn from our mistakes. Some of my best education has come for the school of hard knocks. I recently read a statistic that said the best baseball player hits around .350 - which means he misses 65 percent of the time.
3. Acknowledge yourself. Focusing on your positive qualities. Remember no one is perfect even if they think they are! In doing this it will be important to tune out the mindless head chatter. We are often our own worst enemy when it comes to squashing our self confidence.
4. Acknowledge qualities you would like to improve. Remember, like in all the "group therapy" meetings we hear about the first step is to acknowledge the problem.
5. Once problems areas are identified, seek assistance in resolving them. Don't go at this alone. I think so many people are ashamed to get help that they suffer in silence. I would much rather drop my pride and get help and live a fruitful life than to attempt to fake it. Remember, faking self confidence won't last. If you are anxious about seeking help, do so with someone that doesn't know you personally and ensures your privacy. If you need professional assistance but finances are an issue, many church organizations or organizations on the internet offer assistance for free.
6. Celebrate your successes. Yes, we all have them. Focus on your talents and give yourself permission to be proud of yourself. Remember the inferiority quote, "no one makes you feel inferior without your permission"?
7. Be thankful and be positive. I've heard it said that a lack of self confidence can be due to a feeling of not having enough of something. Things will come and go in our lives, so who we are cannot be based on what we have materially. Being thankful and recognizing what you do have will help to fight the feeling of insecurity and inadequacy, but try to focus on non-material things such as relationships, health, your humor or wisdom, or your ability to remain calm under crazy circumstances. Also, avoid self-pity. Again I say, remember the quote, "no one makes you feel inferior without your permission"!
8. Get a hobby that is enjoyable to you and allows you to express yourself. Things such as music, art, writing, or even volunteering are great examples. It doesn't have to be something you think you will be good at. Let it be something that is purely for enjoyment and you'll be amazed at how good at it you actually are!
9. Stick with your principles. By maintaining an identity that is consistent you will find that people will become more respectful of you, increasing your confidence. When ever you waver back and forth on issues it gives people the sense you are wishy-washy and perhaps not as trustworthy. This can strain relationships making your confidence level decrease.
10. Also, it should go without saying but stick up for yourself! I once heard someone say that you have to teach people how to treat you. If you let them put you down many will. Don't let them decrease your confidence even in a joking manner.
11. Smile - even if you don't feel like it. Many of you know that it takes more muscles to frown than to smile so go ahead and smile. Besides, studies have shown that an expression on your face can actually persuade your brain to register that emotion. Think: I am gorgeous! Then look in the mirror and smile.
12. Of course everyone’s favorite - get plenty of sleep, eat well, exercise regularly, and stop stressing. I put these all together because they seem to end up together in most self-help mantras these days. And as many of you can relate they are easier said then done. Remember the first thing - set attainable goals? That is a must for this action item.
13. Try to spend time surrounded by people that lift you up. There is a belief that you become like those you send your time with. If you are constantly hanging around negative people then you are likely to become the same. I was once encouraged to take a cell phone challenge and delete everyone from my phone that was negative or created feelings of negatively in me when we spoke. This is a bit extreme for some of you but has been known to work. Also, know that surrounding yourself with positive people will likely lead to compliments, something many of us aren't comfortable accepting due to low confidence levels. Accept them and don't make excuses as to why their compliment isn't really correct!
14. Take action! You would be surprised how powerful this one strategy is. By setting attainable goals and taking baby steps, taking action can be easy. The awesome thing is it tends to have a snowball effect.
Now you are on your way to building your confidence level. Remember, self confidence won't happen overnight so be patient with yourself. A confident woman is a sexy woman. The more you practice these techniques, the easier it is to maintain the confidence once established. And the more confident you become, the more successful, capable, charismatic, and prosperous you will be.
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