How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing With People

One of the many reasons why people lose confidence and power in dealing with people is because they are too overly concerned with what other people may think. They feel they won't be liked if they said what was on their mind. What these people really are doing is making up an excuse in order to attempt to avoid conflict; the very conflict that they need to provide the learning experience of inner growth, knowledge and confidence for dealing with people in the first place.

Conflict management, or managing the conflict of ideas and thoughts between two or more people, can be an incredible learning experience for everyone involved, so much information is revealed in these intense periods that if we can learn to keep our integrity in tack during these short bursts of emotion, common ground can be quickly found.

However, if your confidence and power in dealing with people is somewhat watery at best, here are three tips to clarify your thinking and get you back on track.

1. What Do You Want Confidence And Power For?

You interact with different people on a daily basis, and you need cooperation from these people because you know you cannot do it all alone. You also expect a certain amount of reciprocal behavior to get to where you want to be, so it would be beneficial to know what your motives are for persuading people over to your way of thinking?

2. What Is Your Attitude Towards Conflict?

True self-confidence is developed from the act of carrying out a successful task that has an element of personal risk or challenge. Confidence is also about disagreeing or saying no without feeling guilty in situations where you have strong opinions; to stand up for oneself so to speak. So if someone violates your space in some way, do you take the courage or confidence to take responsibility for the situation and speak up or do you just ‘let it go’…again?

3. Preparation Is The Key

One of the key secrets to real confident behavior is preparation, look at the words you are habitually using and prepare your speech in advance. Learn to be speak with authority, maybe even take a few singing lessons to develop vocal power. Develop a mental picture of your successful self, speaking confidently with the desired outcome.

Dealing with people effectively is a skill that can be learned and developed over time, at some point, you will have to get started, you will have go up to someone and say your piece, even if you stand their dumb struck and your face turns crimson with embarrassment, the first step has to be taken. If you feel nervous or shaky about doing this, you need to feel the fear and do it anyway, if its on your mind, the time will come when you will have to act, go in, do it with the expectation you are going to get it all wrong, but it is never as bad as you think it is going to be. One thing is for sure, conflict is a learning experience, you will learn more about confidence in one session than a lifetime of reading books or articles on the subject.

Remember, confidence is an attitude, a skill set that is learned and developed through application, a state of mind that can be achieved through deliberate consistent actions. You might be naturally shy or quiet and think real confidence is beyond you, but personal confidence can be one of your greatest assets. Learn to believe in yourself and your abilities, it is not easy, you will only gain power and the mental toughness needed through struggle, there is no short cut. You will only learn and grow through the challenge of getting started.

Make no mistake, to act with deliberate intention and say what needs to be said will require consistent effort on your part, you must rehearse what needs to be said, like a musician performing a great song, they had to rehearse once upon a time. Great speeches or monologues are not 'winged,' there is always great preparation that is goes unseen, which can give you the misconception of 'they were born that way', when this is in fact, far from the truth.

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Copyright 2012, by Dardarji. All rights reserved. If you would like some additional information on self improvement, meditation, and spirituality go to http://www.transformationalspirituality.com/ to down load free ebooks, mp3's, and other resources. Like us on Facebook!

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How to Overcome Failure and Reboot for Success

Failure. It happens to the best of us. Often after failing to achieve something important many people choose to give up on their heartfelt dreams and goals, shut down emotionally, and refuse to try again.

But if you want to overcome failure and reboot yourself for ultimate success, you must get up and try again. An ancient Chinese proverb says, “Failing is not falling down, but refusing to get back up.”

Here are three useful tips on how you can overcome failure in your life:

1. Take responsibility for your part in the situation.

This means that blame has got to go. Blame often occurs in two ways, by either blaming others for your plight, or blaming outside circumstance. Here are two examples of what I mean.
In a recent personal coaching session my client, who we shall call “Ted”, blamed his DUI arrest on a “beligerant cop”. I helped Ted realize the following truth; that drinking while under the influence was illegal and obviously dangerous to himself and others, and that he was the one who made the choice to get drunk and then to drive, not the “beligerant cop”.

In another session, a woman I shall call Helen, blamed her business failure on the economy. “Its all the economy’s fault that my business failed,” she told me. I explained to Helen that the economy really had nothing to do with her business failing since many businesses similar to hers were flourishing in the supposed economic down turn. As Helen I discussed the subject deeper she admitted that she did not efficiently make use of her time, nor her resources when managing her company.

Once both Ted and Helen realized that blame was not going to help them to overcome their failures and start again, they took responsibility for their part in the situation and were ready to move forward towards a successful resolution.

2. Realize that there are no failures in life, only opportunities.

This was great advice given to me by my Dad when I was 14 years old and lost terribly in a karate tournament. Get into the habit of asking yourself the following two questions: what is the opportunity in this situation? And, what can I learn from this situation?

3. Get up, brush yourself off, and try again.

In order to get back onto the fast track of success you must get back up and try again. Success is a step-by-step venture which is activated by action. No action, no forward progress - plain and simple. Action creates movement, and that momentum eventually equates to victory!

A wise sage once said, “Every time you fail, you move one step closer to succeeding. Embrace failure as part of success and get going.” Turn your failures into success by applying these tips when ever you miss achieving your goal, and more importantly make them a habit. Look at the situation for what it is, learn from it, and try again.

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The Dharma of Handling Problems

Difficult situations are a part of life. You can instantly empower equip yourself for any difficult situation by reminding yourself that it’s not the problem itself that is bringing difficulty, but the way you choose interpret what that problem means to you.

As you continue upon your path of spiritual and personal transformation you realize that it’s necessary to learn how to practice practical spirituality, or spiritual dharma, in everyday life.

Once when walking in an orange grove conversing with my teacher Xian Rinposhe, I asked the following question: “Master how can you practice spiritual dharma when you encounter difficult situations in life?”

Although the answer to my question was from a Buddhist’s perspective, I believe that what he shared with me was priceless, because it gave me a useful roadmap for dealing with any difficult situations that came up in my life.

According to Master Xian the dharma way to handle problems is to: face it, accept it, handle it, and then let it go.

Face It

Facing the problem gives you clarity about what really is occurring or has occurred. It also gives you confidence as you tackle that problem head on. When you see the problem as it is, you view it from the eyes of the present moment.

Accept It

Seeing the situation as it is in the moment then allows you to accept it and to be ready handle it, or to do something about it. When you handle the situation with dharma you let wisdom and compassion guide you to the most effective solution and then you act on that solution.

Let It Go
Once you have acted on the solution you are then able to let it go. Letting it go means that you don’t have to worry about it anymore.

Practicing spiritual dharma in problem solving allows you to be more empowered in life. More importantly it gives you an effective method for quickly dealing with those difficult situations and circumstances that will inevitably show up in life, so that you can quickly release them and moving on towards the bigger and brighter opportunities in life.

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If you would like some additional information on self improvement, meditation, and spirituality go to http://www.transformationalspirituality.com/ to down load free ebooks, mp3's, and other resources.  Like us on Facebook!

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